Dear Da.

Last night, I had my first civil conversation with Mat since our break up. And it ruined me.
I thought I might finally be over him but now that I've talked to him again, I realise I'm no where near ready to let him go. And I was the one that broke up with him..
I shouldn't feel this way, I know, it's horrible. But I can't help it.
When someone is mean to me or I get upset, he's the one I wanna call and complain to... even when he is that someone.

I make no sense. I want to break up, then once it happens, I want him back.

He's being suck a jerk. I know I hurt him but that's no reason to tell me when he's going to go and hang out with Lindy or Serena. (I beleive both of them are prettier than me.) He tells me he hates me and that he never wants to talk to me ever again, then he turns around and says he misses me or that he isn't really over me, and then he goes and says he doesn't like me or that he needs someone to hold again. He says that he would date me again but that he doesn't date the same person twice.
He talked on the phone with me last night until 12 45am.
And twice this morning. And he told me to phone him back tonight... Would that count as caving?

Does anyone know what he means? I'm so confused.

I have a new favorite to add to my music preferences: Automatic Loveletter. Hush.

But it makes me think of him.

Clayton says that if I really did love him, then I'll never truly be able to let him go. If he's right, that's gunna suck. A lot.

On a brighter note,
one of my best friends, Becca, has a new boyfriend.
Which makes her happy. So I guess, that makes me kinda happy too.

I'll write back in a few days.
Sincerely,
Victoria. </3